Entrevista a Enrique Pérez-Montero en Radio Nacional.
Durante la semana de la Feria del Libro, se celebraron en Granada varias conferencias interesantísimas. Las que más me gustaron fueron una sobre neuromusicología, que trató aspectos que yo ya me había planteado en mis elucubraciones personales, otra acerca del... Ay: ¿cómo se llamaba ese bichito que parasita el cerebro y te vuelve loco? El... Dicen que en Alemania se da más porque la gente come más carne cruda; el... ¡Aaaaaaaaaah, la toxoplasmosis! La conferenciante afirmó que quienes hospedaban tal parásito tendían a la euforia desmedida; el tema es que ella, una catedrática emérita de la Facultad de Biología, padecía también esa euforia: no paró de reír; de reír de manera explosiva y compulsiva, con lo cual nos hizo estallar a todos.
La ponencia sobre cultura clásica la pillé terminando, pero prometía. ¡Oh! Si tuviesen lugar tales eventos a diario... Aprendería un montón, y de verdad: con profesores que aman divulgar; que te toman de la mano y te enseñan con amor, pasión, entusiasmo y buen hacer.
Merece un aparte la conferencia de Enrique Pérez-Montero, astrónomo que trabaja en el Instituto de Astrofísica de Andalucía (IAA) sito en Granada. Enrique está perdiendo la vista de forma gradual debido a una retinosis pigmentaria, mas ello no le impide continuar estudiando el cielo. Según él, para este cometido ha de usarse muchísimo la cabeza, lo cual no requiere el ver; y en cuanto a las observaciones, se pueden efectuar desde una pantalla de ordenador que te pone en contacto directo con cualquier observatorio del mundo; porque, a simple vista, en realidad poco se aprecia, y menos ahora, con tantísima contaminación lumínica.
Enrique ha preparado unas semiesferas celestes accesibles, y durante la ponencia nos repartió sendas copias a mí y a otros cuantos ciegos simulados; es decir, con gafas oscuras, pues yo era la única titulada y con acreditación. Casi lloro de dicha: estaba tan emocionada... ¡La primera vez que se me acerca el cosmos! ¡Por fin! Sentí que se me abrían nuevas puertas, nuevos horizontes, nuevos... ¿Nuevos mundos, amigo Hawking? ¡Sí! Como cuando aprendes otro idioma y gracias a ello te acercas a gente, culturas, universos distintos; se te abre la mente.
¡Gracias, de verdad, querido Enrique! ¡Gracias! Te ofrezco mi mano para que la tomes y me conduzcas por los ignotos caminos de la galaxia: ¿lo harás?
miércoles, 1 de junio de 2016
sábado, 28 de mayo de 2016
Talleres de sensibilización con la discapacidad, colegio Sierra Elvira de Granada
Aquí el interesante artículo sobre estas jornadas, que aplaudo efusivamente. Confío en que se celebren siempre, porque me consta que los niños quieren conocer, quieren saber, quieren que les indiquen cómo tratar a sus compañeros discapacitados; y eso ya no lo olvidan; y así serán mejores personas, para siempre.
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
jueves, 26 de mayo de 2016
Arrojándome desde la torre de Pisa: conversación con Stephen Hawking.
"I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space".William Shakespeare, "Hamlet".
"Phantasie ist wichtiger als Wissen, denn Wissen ist begrenzt".Albert Einstein.
"Non puoi insegnare qualcosa ad un uomo, devi solo aiutarlo a scoprirla dentro di sè".Galileo Galilei.
Ayer soñé que me dejaba caer desde la torre inclinada de Pisa. Yo era como una pluma; una pluma ligera que flotaba y a la que no importaba casi nada: se dejaba llevar planeando y percibía las distintas temperaturas del aire y los diversos olores en su caída. Tardé mucho, mucho, mucho tiempo: inabarcable, inabarcable..., pero cuando me posé lentamente sobre el suelo, el profesor Hawking estaba allí: sentado, inmóvil, observando el experimento con una concentración pasmosa, increíble, casi irreal.
-¿Ves como no hay que tener miedo cuando uno confía en la ciencia?
-¡Pero, profesor: ¡yo no sé nada de ciencias! No me enseñaron: me gritaron; me llamaron ignorante, idiota... ¡Y lo soy, lo soy, lo soy, lo soy!
El profesor Hawking colocó con delicadeza su mano en mi hombro [¡que sí, que sí, que sic, sic, sic y sic!] y respondió enérgica, pero dulcemente:
-¡Basta, por favor: basta, basta! Cierra los ojos y respira hondo: ¡así! Ahora, escucha con atención: ¡partes de una premisa falsa! ¿Quién define la ignorancia? ¿Quién mide sus límites? ¿Quién la juzga? ¿Quién la acota? ¿Quién la valora? ¿Quién la condena? No, no, déjame terminar: LA IGNORANCIA ES RELATIva, ¡como el tiempo! Dime si lo has entendido.
-¡Hala, pues sí! Lo explicas todo tan fácil... Pero, es que... ¡Tengo miedo! ¿Qué hago ahora con mi vida?
-¡Ajá! Se me ha vuelto trascendental a estas alturas. ¿Pues qué vas a hacer? ¡Vivirla! ¿No te parece? ¡No queda otra! ¿O acaso pensabas suicidarte? ¡Ay! ¿Qué te pasa, querida? Vamos, ¡No pongas esa cara; estaba bromeando! ¡Maldita sea, he dicho algo sumamente inapropiado: idiota de mí! ¡No llores; no llores así! ¡Ten la bondad de perdonarme, por favor! Ven, acércate: dame la mano. ¡Qué palidez! ¡Te estás mareando! No puedo frenar tu caída, ni elevar tus piernas, ni refrescarte el rostro: simplemente me está vedado asistirte, y créeme que lo siento. ¿Entiendes ahora? ¡Todos tenemos limitaciones, y hemos de vivir con ellas! Pero, ¿puedes oírme, o sigues ausente?
-¿Quién eres? ¿Dónde estoy? ¡No puedo pensar, no puedo...!
-Calma: sólo te has desmayado; una desconexión momentánea. Ahora sufres la típica amnesia postraumática, o eso espero. No me fío de los porrazos en la cabeza, te golpeaste levemente al caer. Contesta a estas preguntas lo más rápidamente que puedas. ¿Cómo te llamas y qué edad tienes? ¡Responde en alemán!
-Ich heiße Rocío und bin 36 Jahre alt.
-Jawohl, meine Liebe! 13574, ¡al revés!
-47531.
-¡Brava, ha sido inmediato! ¿Ocho por siete?
-56.
-¡Más 25?
-Hm... 81.
-¿Capital de Noruega?
-Oslo.
-Continúa la serie: 1, 3, 6, 10, 15...
-21, 28, 36, 45...
-¡Basta, basta! ¡Muy bien, rapidísima! Nacimiento de Bach.
-21 de marzo de 1685.
-Canta un aria de Haendel levantando el brazo derecho y estirando la pierna izquierda.
-I know that my redeemer liveth,
-Tócate la pierna izquierda con la mano derecha. ¡Sigue cantando!
-[...] and that he shall stand...
-¡Cambio!
[...] at the later day upon the Earth.
-Suficiente, dejémoslo; por hoy has ganado el concurso, con mi reconocimiento como premio. Incorpórate despacio. ¿Todo bien? ¿Quieres que responda a la pregunta existencial que me planteas? Levanta la cabeza. ¡Mírame! ¿Me disculpas? No pretendía herirte ni burlarme, ¡mas la cuestión es absurda; carece por completo de sentido!
-¿Por qué? No te comprendo, Herr Professor Doktor.
-¡Gracias por regalarme tu sonrisa! Trataré de explicarlo: ¿de dónde vienes?
-No sé, de... Del huevo; de la gallina; de mis padres; del Homo Sapiens Sapiens; de los simios; de las estrellas; del Big Bang...
-¡Bastaaaa, me haces colapsar!!! ¡Basta, basta! ¡Escúchame! ¿De dónde acabas de venir, ahora, hace... ¿Cinco minutos? ¿Cinco siglos? No importa: el tiempo es subjetivo; depende del observador y del sistema de referencia. Vamos, piensa tu respuesta: ¿de dónde vienes?
-¡Aaaaah! ¡De la torre inclinada de Pisa!
-¡Casi! De la cima de la torre, ¿Verdad? Has bajado tú sola, ¿verdad? No te has hecho ningún daño, ¿verdad? ¿Es todo eso cierto? Dime: ¿es todo eso cierto?
-¡Sííí!
-¡Pues ya está!
-¿Ya está..., Qué?
-¡Todo! Tus preguntas, tus miedos, tus inquietudes, tu angustia... ¡Se acabaron!
-¿por qué?
-Porque -y escúchame de nuevo con atención- si has sido capaz de bajar desde la torre inclinada de Pisa sin hacerte ningún daño, ¡eres capaz de cualquier cosa!
-No lo entiendo.
-¡Ay, ay, ay: qué lenta! No, no lo digo con reproche, estoy bromeando. De hecho me hace muy feliz tu rapidez mental. ¡Y te acusas de ignorante! ¡Pobre joven! Escucha, escucha; ése es tu gran fallo: ¡no sabes escuchar! Mira: ¿qué se necesita para que haya música?
-Hm... Músicos.
-¡Sí, pero no! Puede haber música con un disco, una grabación, y un aparato que decodifique esa grabación. ¿Dónde están los músicos?
-¡En la grabación!
-Sí, pero no. Tú estás en casa, escuchando un disco: ¿están los músicos en tu salón, junto a ti, tocando para ti?
-¡Sí! En el disco.
-¡Brrrrrrrrr! ¡Colapso, colapso! ¡No están, no están allí contigo: no, no! Quería que me dijeses que no y no me harás cambiar de opinión, pequeña obstinada. Ea, pues: dime que no.
-Hala! De acuerdo: si tú me lo pides... ¡No!
-¡Bravo! Muy galante. Siempre consigo lo que quiero, ¿eh? ¡Qué dictador! Escucha de nuevo... Bueno, espero que no estés cansada de tanto esfuerzo intelectual. ¿Qué se necesita para que haya música? A los músicos los vamos a dejar por ahora, porque pueden ser sustituidos, ¿verdad?
-¡Una partitura!
-¡Nooooooo! ¡Eres lenta, muy lenta! Pero no te enfades; lo digo con cariño, porque además es falso: ¡admiro tu capacidad de deducción! Dime: ¿por qué no es imprescindible una partitura?
-¡La tradición oral, la improvisación...! ¡Claro!
-Vamos bien; vamos bien; vamos muy bien. ¿Qué más se necesita?
-Instrumentos musicales.
-Bueno, sí, claro; o la voz, pero... A ver, esto ya va a ser más complicado: ¿crees que hay música en el espacio, o en un sitio donde no puede ser oída?
-¡Quéééé?
-Imagina que estás en una cámara anecoica.
-¿Qué es eso, profesor?
-Un lugar totalmente aislado del ruido, insonorizado.
-¿Eso existe?
-¡Claro!
-¡Un lugar sin ruido, qué bien!
-No te equivoques, habría ruidos: los de los latidos de tu corazón; los de tu sistema circulatorio en funcionamiento; los de.... En fin: que aunque estuvieras sola en el universo, mientras vivas, hay ruido.
-De donde se deduce que los sordos están muertos.
-¡Oooh! Eres brillante. Pero déjame terminar. ¿Qué hay, o qué ttendría que haber, si tú no estuvieras dentro, en una cámara anecoica?
-Hm. Hm... ¡Aaaaah! ¡¡¡Silencio!!!
-¡¡¡Voilà, voilà, voilà!!! Déjame abrazarte.
--Tienes mi permiso.
-¡Gracias! Un abrazo figurado, en cualquier caso... ¡Ciertamente original! Pero válido: ¡por fin lo entiendes! Sin silencio, no hay música.
¡Sí, profesor! ¡Por eso yo tuve que dejar el instituto donde ejercía como profesora: porque no se callaban! ¡Pero nadie me entendía: nadie, nadie!
-Tranquilízate, por favor. Conozco esa historia y sí; yo sí te comprendo. Te comprendo y te admiro al mismo tiempo.
-¿A mí? ¿Por qué?
-Bueno, dejémoslo: se te vaya a subir a la cabeza. Somos una minúscula mota de polvo de estrellas en el vasto universo, en el espacio-tiempo, a orillas del océano cósmico. Si todos se hubiesen dado cuenta, habría menos egoísmo; menos narcisismo en este pequeño y altamente improbable planeta situado a la periferia de una galaxia entre millones.
-Pero, profesor: ¿qué tiene que ver todo esto con mis planes de futuro?
-Mucho, mucho, mucho, mas... ¿No estás cansada de pensar?
-Hm, un poco. ¿Y tú?
-No, no, yo no: nunca me canso; no. Adoro pensar: es lo mío, ¡es lo único! Si no pudiera pensar, habría muerto. Vamos, cierra los ojos. Cierra los ojos durante un cuarto de hora y trata de no pensar en nada, controlando sólo tu respiración.
-¡Maldita sea! ¿Por qué me lo has dicho? Ahora pienso: "Tengo que no pensar, tengo que no pensar, tengo que no pensar".
-¡Por favor...! ¡Nunca había encontrado a alguien tan complejo. A ver cómo salimos de este agujero negro: canta mentalmente una canción, hasta que yo te avise. No mires el reloj, no hagas nada. Ponte cómoda y cierra los ojos. ¿Lista?
--¡Sí!
-De acuerdo. Tres, dos, uno, ¡cero! [...]
[Música]. El Mundo entrevista a Stephen Hawking.
-Ahora, cuando yo diga tres, vas a abrir los ojos: ¿de acuerdo? No hagas nada, no hagas nada: una, dos, tres. ¡¡¡Bravo!!!
-Sí, vale, pero, ¿y qué?
-Perdona la pregunta: ¿qué cantaste?
-Un aria de Bach.
-Lo sabía: sabía que era de Bach, y era... ¡Déjame adivinar! "Schafe können sicher weiden", de la cantata de caza.
-¡Ooooh! ¡Estoy asustada, impresionada! ¿Cómo lo sabes?
-¡Tranquila! Lo sé porque no me has hecho caso!
-¿Quééééé?
-¡Ay, ay, ay! Has movido los labios, ¡has movido los labios! Y yo los he leído: he leído el texto de lo que cantabas mentalmente, ¿entiendes?
-¿De verdad he movido los labios?
-No, te estoy engañando... ¡Vamos, pues claro! ¿Cómo iba a adivinarlo si no? Venga, que seguimos.
-¿Me puedes dar un vaso de agua?
-No, no puedo, y sabes muy bien por qué.
-¡Aaaaaaay, lo siento! ¡Lo siento!
-No te preocupes; ¡y no empieces a llorar de nuevo! Mira: si no viniera nadie a socorrernos, moriríamos los dos.
-No, porque aunque no tenga bastón podría salir a pedir ayuda: hay gente...
-¿Dónde? ¡No hay nadie!
-¿Y por qué no hay nadie? ¿Dónde está la gente¿
-¿Acaso ves a alguien?
-No, y sabes muy bien por qué.
-Ah, lo siento...: ¡Eres aguda, eres rápida! ¡Me la has devuelto como esperaba! Pero vayamos a lo de antes, y, por favor... ¡Escuchaaaaaa!
-¿Por qué lo dices así? ¿Te has enfadado conmigo?
-Un poco, he de decir..., o "un mucho", pero no lo tomes a mal. Vamos: ¿qué se necesita para que haya música?
-Silencio: ya me lo has dicho.
-Bien. ¿Qué se necesita para que dos personas se comuniquen?
-Silencio.
-Bueno, sí y no; porque si hay silencio no pueden hablar: cuando hablan, rompen el silencio.
-¡Ooh! Profesor Hawking: ¿me puedes dar un analgésico?
-No hay; aquí no hay nada, ni nadie.
-¿Entonces, vamos a morir?
-Ya hemos muerto..., o no: pero eso dejémoslo para luego. ¿Qué se necesita para que haya un diálogo?
-Pues "dia-" más "-logos": "a través del discurso". De dos o más personas, ¿no?
-¡Brillante, brillante! Dos, dos, dos...
-¿Y si son tres, sería un triálogo? ¿Y un cuadrálogo, pentálogo, hexálogo?
-¿Brillantísima! ¿Por qué nunca te has dedicado a la física teórica?
-¡Porque no me enseñaron; no me explicaron; me gritaron!
-¡Colapso! ¡Me haces regresar al punto de partida! ¡No, no, no! ¡Escuchaaaaaaaa!
-¡No te enfades!
-No, no me enfado, pero quiero enseñarte algo y pareces no aprenderlo. ¿Qué se necesita para que haya un diálogo?
-¡Dos... Dos logos...! Dos discursos; dos personas que intercambien una opinión, que interactúen.
-De acuerdo. Ahora vamos a hacer un experimento: vas a contarme algo; trata de contarme lo que quieras, lo que hiciste ayer.
-Ayer estuve en... ¿Qué dices? ¡Calla! ¿Por qué no dejas de hablar? ¿Y por qué pones la velocidad tan rápida? ¡No lo entiendo! ¡Calla, calla!
-¡Eureka!
-¿Eureka qué?
-Eso. ¿Has podido hablar conmigo?
-No.
-¿Por qué?
-Porque... Porque no te callabas, ¡maldita sea!
-Quod erat demonstrandum.
-¿El qué?
-Que sin silencio, no hay diálogo.
-¿Qué? Si hay silencio, nadie habla.
-Perdona; me expresé mal: sin intersilencio..., sin dar a la otra persona la posibilidad de ser escuchada.
-¡Gracias! Creo que he aprendido poco porque no he escuchado y porque no me han dejado escuchar.
-¡Brava!
-Profesor Hawking: ¿qué tiene que ver todo esto con mis planes de futuro?
-Nada, pero... ¡Es que no me dejas terminar, porque no me escuchas! Ahora, ¿lo harás? A partir de ahora, ¿sabrás escuchar? ¡Ooooooh! ¿Qué te pasa, criatura? ¿A qué viene ese llanto?
-Es que... Si todo el mundo me hubiera enseñado como tú, tan bonito, sin enfadarse, tan ilustrativo...
-No te preocupes, nunca es tarde: ahora estoy aquí. Ahora has aprendido a escuchar. Enjúgate las lágrimas y respira hondo, que viene otra importante lección de tu vida. Dime otra vez: ¿de dónde vienes?
-¡De la cima de la torre!
-¡Bieeen! ¿Verdad que has bajado sin hacerte daño?
-Sí.
-¡Pues ya está!
-¿Ya está... Qué?
-¿por qué me has interrumpido? Para, para, para: ¡ya está! Muy fácil: si has sido capaz de bajar desde la torre de Pisa sin hacerte daño..., ¡no, no digas nada, no todavía! ¡ya te daré yo el permiso! ¡Escuuuuchaaaaa! Si has sido capaz de bajar desde allí sin hacerte daño..., ¡eres capaz de cualquier cosa en tu vida!
-¡No! Eso es una chorrada. Parece una religión, tú que abogas siempre por el método científico y que odias el principio de autoridad: ¡es falso, es falso!
-¡Estupendo: ¡me encanta, sigue así siempre! Tienes espíritu crítico: ¡lo adoro! Es la llave de la ciencia. Sin preguntar, sin indagar, sin cuestionarse las cosas, no hay avance.
-¿Entonces, qué hago?
-¡Otra vez! ¡Me colapsas! ¿Qué habías dicho antes?
-No me acuerdo.
-¡Pobrecilla! Te voy a agotar las energías. Para mí es normal; para ti no: yo afirmé que no importaba lo que ocurriese a partir de ahora, ¿no? Porque has sido capaz de bajar desde la torre de Pisa.
-Sí.
-¿Qué respondiste tú?
-¡Que no lo creo!
-¡Bravo, querida: eso es! Siempre escéptica.
-¿Por qué no quieres que te crea?
-Porque la ciencia no es fe; porque tienes que comprobarlo por ti misma. ¡Jamás te fíes de la autoridad o el dogmatismo de charlatanes farsantes; de la la pseudociencia; de la intolerancia y la sinrazón. La ciencia es prueba y error; es evidencia; es demostración.
-Pero, ¿cómo lo compruebo?
-¡Ay, ay, ay, ayyyyy! ¡Por todas las estrellas!
-¿Qué te pasa, profesor?
-Que no quieres avanzar; que estás en un bucle: ¡lo tienes tan fácil...!
-¡Yo no lo veo, no lo veo!
-¡Claro, si eres ciega! Respira hondo. Piensa, piensa fuertemente que puedes: puedes, puedes.
-¿Que puedo qué?
-Lo que quieras.
-¿También volar?
-¡También volar!
-¿Quéééééé? ¡Estás loco! Pensé que me ibas a decir que no..., ¡has perdido el juicio! ¡Volar, claro, en un avión!
-No: aquí no hay ni habrá nunca nadie. Ahora todo ha comenzado, o terminado, porque eso da igual. A fin de cuentas, ¿cuál es la diferencia entre el pasado y el futuro?
-No sé: ¡me duele la cabeza! Pero... Pero... Pero.. ¿Cómo lo has hecho?
-¿El qué?
-Es que... ¡Estás hablando sin Intel! ¡Estás hablando con tu voz, la de antes...! ¿Cómo lo has hecho?
Y el profesor Hawking se levantó, se acercó a mí y me tomó en sus brazos.
-¿Ves? ¡Todo es posible! ¿Quieres volar? No llores; no temas; confía en mí. Abre los brazos. Así, perfecto. ¡Es muy sencillo! ¡Pobre...! ¡Bien, ahora, ahora! ¡Ya lo tienes! ¿Eres consciente de lo que está ocurriendo? ¡Estás volando! ¡Has vencido! ¡Has sorteado las barreras! Por fin lo entiendes: sólo existen los límites que uno quiera imponerse. Pero, ¡deja de llorar! ¡Ahora eres libre! Dame la mano. ¡Vamos, vamos, vamos!
N.B.: De donde se deduce que la abajo firmante está bastante loca, que "A brief history of time" puede ser peligroso para la salud y que alguna gente necesitaría antídotos para paliar los efectos perjudiciales, entre los que destacan una tremenda y nunca vista agudeza mental; una tremenda y nunca vista facultad de razonamiento; una tremenda y nunca vista capacidad de deducción.
QUOD ERAT DEMONSTRANDUM.
lunes, 23 de mayo de 2016
Mi carta a Stephen Hawking - My letter to Stephen Hawking
Title: LOVE.
Chapter 2, page 10 from "A brief history of time", after the train and the observer.
Hawking: su tiempo y el del universo. So sees a blind person THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING.
Jane, his first wife. Lucy, his daughter.
Dearest Prof. Dr. Excellentissime Eminentissime sapientissime
Stephen Hawking,
now I understand VERY WELL!!! The key word is... E L O V! L V O E! Have you got it now? LOVE!!! Young blind people discover the world.
When I went to the blind school, my teacher María said always that I was a really mess in Maths: Hihi, "Mess in maths"! When we were FORCED to solve those horrible problems, I knew from the beginning that I would not be able to reach the correct solution. I used to take two numbers from the given data and started adding them. "What have you done?". She took my frightened finger by shouting and pressed it against the piece of plastic with the three dots representing the Zero. This system is now old-fashioned, but we had the -for me diabolic- mathematic box. It consisted of a box, obviously, closed with a latch. When you open it, at the left side there is a rectangle grid, with... Oh I do not remember the numbers of rows and columns. This part of the diabolic box was like a grill; then it was full of holes, little holes; for me black holes. The right part, the one that remains down when you close it, had six Casilleros? Lockers! Stephen Hawking for children.
Our reading-writing system, the Braille Alphabet, has combinations of six dots because Louis Braille –in that period of time he was a 12-year-old boy- discovered that the Barbier-Sonographie with twelve dots was not apropriated, for two main reasons: Blind people HAVE RIGHT TO KNOW the ortography -right-writing way- of words, and BEING BLIND DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN BEEING STUPID. Gennet Corcuera: A deaf-blind héroe!
Barbier Sonographie, a by him designed method... Hm, das ist Deutsch... Wait: Barbier's Sonography, a... Barbiers. Sonography, a system created by him in a military context with the idea to communicate at night in the darkness, was based on combinations of twelve dots. Little Louis, pupil in the school for blind Valentin Haüy,, had lost his sight capacity when he was three. His father was shuman... Nee: Hilf mir, WB! Ach so, I've got it! His father was shoemaker and once Louis was playing there with an instrument used to work the leather, a... Brrrr! Lezna. I do not fancy to search, you can understand me very well. When I think of your communication problems I become so angry, so angry, so angry... Because your brain is working almost infinitely fast but you must express yourself almost infinitely slow, damn it!
How Helen Keller learns to speak.
Sometimes, and keeping the huge distances between YOU and me, I feel the same: I feel that I am not compre... Compris, verstanden, understood? I am not understood by some people around me, which say that I am idiot / stupid / silly / not normal / strange / "completeTheGapsAsYouWantTo". I try to leave clear that they are wrong, but it is impossible; and so I collapse, yes, COLLAPSE: Dangerous illness from your book; the term, I mean. I do collapse and cry, cry, cry deeply and bitterly. For example: Since I have begun this letter, my laptop has been blocked twice. Now I have discovered the problem: My Screen Reader, Jaws, from Freedom Scientific, with voice synthesiser Eloquence, has a script that interfers... Sorry, from now until the end of this letter without dictionary; the bloody browser, IE8, is infinitely and boundariless stupid!!! I am about to drop the laptop from the lean tower of Pisa to have the joy to see how it falls, although I cannot calcul the acceleration, the trajectory and other diabolic formula.
Using a computer as a blind person.
Oh God God God... Sorry... Oh... Oh Bach Bach Bach!!! I was speaking about the diabolic mathematic box: I have lost the thread, the topic. But the script! A Jaws script-collapse... Again? Hm..., when I press the Back-Delete taste... Can you believe me if I say that I had written Bach-Delete? "Bach-delete?". Nein nein, Bach delete, auf keinen Fall!
The big questions.
Barbiers. Sonography blablabla [...] lezna. That was a... What do wasps have to, to... Um zu stechen, damt it! Ah, Sting! But now I can understand you VERY well. How do you bear these communication barriers? Darf ich von nun an auf Deutsch schreiben? Das wäre besser; but you are an English man in Cambridge, although you were for a few days in New York to meet Plácido Domingo at the Met: At the Met I met Peaceful Sunday..., = Plácido Domingo. Verdammt nochmal, ich haße mich tief! Deutsch ist einfacher als Englisch, tut mir leid!
Little Louis suffered an infection in an eye that went rapidely to the other eye and became blind as a tragic result. At the beginning he did not go to school. The School Valentin Haüy was only in work a few years before. Monsieur Haüy had seen blind people in a feer. Feer? The song of Simon & Garfunkel... Have I written it well? I have no IE, no Google, no anything: I am from the last millenium! IE is collapsed!
Those blind people were making apparently funy things; perhaps they also thought to be doing humor and fun for the turists, but what they made was... Oh I am crying; I am crying: I am crying deeply, strongly and furiously like green colourless ideas that sleep; instead I am not sleeping, because the night is wonderful: life is wonderful; our orchestra is... Nooooo, collapse!!! Now I am thinking that the whole mankind will see the lines I drop you from the lean tower of Pisa... Recollapse! Because you have NO POSSIBILITY to be sent [?] private messages. I can understand it very well: If the miliards of million people who love, praise and admire you were sending you private messages constantly, you would not have had enough time to study the space / time / no time.
Video: A brief history of time in two minutes.
Now there is light in my idiot, stupid, silly and crazy mind: Perhaps I was lost with English. You did not say that the universe is infinite, because that is not possible! That is not possible and I can understand it perfectly because it deals about language, about syntax. I mean... Before the Big Bang, there was nothing. Is that sentence logic? No, no, no and definitively no! Before... Before... Before... Not possible!!! If there was no time before the Big Bang, it was either no "BEFORE"! Very simple! My nephew Adrián is ten years old and I am sure that he could deduce it so quickly like me!!!
Master of the universe.
And now that I have solved the mystery of universe, or at least one of the most important misteries indeed, I continue:
Those blind people were... The beggar's opera. They were beggars. They were making clown things, like a tale I read when I was 13 and made me collapse: Oscar Wilde's "The princess. Birthday". No Internet, no browser, no... Mon Dieu: Firefox, come and save me! This netbook is from 2009, incredibly slow, but I get on well with Windows XP and not withWindows 8; Bach has put it on my way so that I understand the reason why you have HAL (your old sintezizer I mean) and not Daniel. Thank you!
"The Princess' Birthday" was the tale? I do not talk about the argument: You have read it; you have done all, also... Haüy cried and collapsed like me now, but he had constructive ideas: créer un'échole pour mal voyants, o la la, c'est magnifique! And so he did, secundum scripturas, but if it was written, that must be really boreing, as you think: Jesus does always what is written. That is fuori emozioni, come si dice...? Aaaah, I do not collapse! Emotionless! [?] Is it not allowed that God exit from the... Guidelines, the.... Rules, the... In a film, the argument... Kommunikationsbarriers, Hilfe!!! Jesus in a school.
Louis remained at home until he was I do not know, nine? He went to school but he could not read or write. But... You know the story of Louis because you know all things of the world and beyond it; also I do not make lose more of your precious and appreciated time not only for you, but also for mankind, because it is absolutely necessary that you are free to be there for all us, in saecula saeculorum, amen.
I continue with the diabolic torture instrument called "mathematic box". I am exorcising it and I am feeling relaxed, for the first time in my brief and miserable life [ironic joke]. [Ctrl+S]. Now, the matter was Braille-combinations of six dots! Six why? Because little boy Louis saw that twelve dots were too much for the finger... Finger PartOfTheFingerWeUseToTouch. I DO collapse!!! He designed a complete and very logical alphabett based of combinations from six dots. That was very limited, but as I do not know multiplizieren... Two by two and so on. As I do not know very well or scarcery well, and in addition I am very lazy, I do not fancy to calculate the possible combinations. But... Six dots distributed in two columns, three dots vertical left plus three vertical right: The magic sign; the magic two columns that opened the door to knowledge; wisdom; information; education; work; exit from beggar-state!!! Video: 5 yeard-old boy Reading Braille.
Louis, Louis, Louis! Wir loben dich; wir preisen dich; wir knien vor dir nieder; wir beugen vor dir; wir küssen den Boden, wo du getreten bist; wir... Häääää? I have not visited Coupvray [Oh, what is
that, "real hit"? Really it was so!!!]! I have not visited Louis?
House in Paris! I have not visited the School Valentin Haüy! I am ungrateful! Louis, I beg your pardon... Sorry: Je vous en prie: Soyez-vous si gentil de m'excuser, mais je vous promis d'aller vous voir. Bien sûr! Je vais le fair parce que je suive ce que je promis; puisque j'ai promis Monsieur Professeur Docteur Savant jusqu'a l'infinite et PLUS ULTRa de lire A Brief History Of Time Même si je suis ignorante et stupide: ¡Et je suis en train de le lire, et je suis en comprénant beaucoup beaucoup! Louis, j'irai vous voir! DIXI!!!
This mathematic box had also six lockers. There were three kinds of numbers, [ctrl+S]; the numbers were pieces, like in a game. They were prismatic and had thus four plus four positions. I mean, you can put each piece in 8 possible ways by turning it. Video: Teaching maths to blind people. But let it be! You can search what mathematic box was and look up a lot of photos and if you do not want to, you can go sleep and dream with far galaxies and freedom in space, and voyages beyond the space / time... Collapse! If you go outside the space / time, you can not go! A logical sentence! My ten-yeared-old nephew could understand it!!! So simple is the world, so simple! You are a genius! Not -not only- for the reason that you have discovered all the things that you have discovered and which dimmension I will never be able to understand if we consider that I am ignorant and silly and stupid, but because you have done that such an ignorant and silly and stupid lady understands the origine of the universe: Bravooo! And I must still say: Bravooo! [CTRL+S]
Video: How blind people uses a computer. [MSWord, the text could have characteristics that are not compatible with the selected format; do you want to continue anyway? Yes, stupid: Yes, yes, yes, yes. MSWord dialogue, [Dialogue says my Screen reader], you could lose characteristics from the original text if you select the conversion star point txt. Do you want to continue? Brrrr, I DO collapse!!! Let me live; let me live; let me live!!! What have I done to you, my dear personal computer? Should I adress my prayer to the informatic God? Who is the informatic God? Holy Silitium?
Look! Look! Look!!! Braille –sonography, I mean- was invented for military purposes; Internet was invented for military purposes: A is true; B is true. Conclusion: We are the worst race of the universe! QUOD ERAT DEMONSTRANDUM. Why? Because in order to go on, to go ahead, we need wars!!! We need wars to develope progress!!! That is absolutely not surprising, but it makes me quite sad: We cannot invent Braille or Internet simply because we have the noble aim to make other's life happier! Video: School for blind girls in Guadalajara.
María took my finger and pressed it over the zero. She shouted. Now I know, for two months I know: Sonophobia!!! Does it exist? When I was a Little baby, I hated toys who could move or speak or "have own life". At first I hated toys in general; and new voices; and new ambiences; and unexpected things; and claxons; and every Lärm. Nooo, I DO coll... And bruits... And... Brrrr, wie, wie, wie? Sounds no, unangenehme... Disaffortunated sounds... Disagréable... Bruits! Verdammt! Hm, that happens when I am thinking very fast. Relax, control, Deep breathing! Don't swing, my goodness! Anyway: you know what "ruido" is because you know all things of this world and beyond it. Audio: I play the recorder.
My parents did a wonderful work, but the phobies remained in lots of contexts. When I was with relatives or known and confident persons, I felt sure and protected; but even in this ambience there were things that made me collapse; for example new toys: toys who could speak / move / do things that scaped to my control, as I told before. I used to be closed in my world..., in my particular galaxy. Once, when I was three, my sister cellebrated a birthday with friends. I wanted to come in. "No, it is not your birthday" -said the Little girls who were not able to measure the consequences of their prohibition. Then I did not know why, but now... Now I think that from that moment I was for the first time aware of my difference. I went to my bedroom and started to make a lot of noise: To open and close the doors, to beat with hands and feet, to shout..., to jump... "What are you doing?". "They are Juan Pana and the Forty Cousines!". -was my invention. Now I am aware of that geniality: Bravooo, I was super!!! :-) I had found a way to soften, to fight against my solitude, my loneliness! Blind kids playing football. Normaly I was not alone because my parents were in each moment with me; I went to the countryside with them; I played with them; they gave me love, lots of love; and comprehension; and with them I was not afraid..., no, no!!! But... I never spoke of those terrors, never: only at school withe another blind girl. My parents could see from time to time that I was not relaxed and had strange behaviours at the exposition with the phobic elements; I became completely in tension without apparent reason."What's the matter?". "Nothing". I only wanted to be left in peace, because I thought that they would criticize and ridiculize [?] such silly fears. "No, no: Tell us, tell us, tell us". Then I could not exclaim: "Oooo, I DO collapse!!!". Instead of that I invented a story: "There are demons in the schrank... [?] cupboard. I am very glad that my dictionary and my browsers are slow: So I can understand a little more your barriers. Thank you! [CTRL+S]. Purcell with the New College Choir.
And so on. María pressed my finger against the zero and shouted: "But Rocío, my goodness! How did you put this zero here? Are you silly, creature?". Pain, pain: I could feel the pain in my finger. I could feel the scares of those insults expressed at the presence of the other fellows. Hurt, hurt, hurt. Before such glorious episode I hated Maths, but from that moment in forward I decided to hate them much more: deeply, hearthily, strongly!!! I took the two numbers again and I substracted them. "But
Rocío, my goodness, silly girl! [...]". After a few combinations, made without logic, I could solve the problem: "Oh, the flute has sounded!". This expression is said in our country, "Sonó la flauta", to indicate that there has been a casuality. So: the result is not a searched one, but an exclussion of possible combinations.
And so did it go until I changed teacher when I was 11. The new teachers LOVED me!!! I mean: They did not shout; they encouraged me to formulate questions and never said that I was stupid when my answers were wrong. They did not devaluate my achievements by exclaiming that "sonó la flauta por
casualidad". On the contrary they took me tenderly by the hand and... And I could understand the entire and fractionary numbers, the polyhedra, The area of circles and triangles and quadrats, the average and mediana and I do not know what more!!!
Video: Teaching blind children. Of course I have forgotten it, so long time ago. María is dead, "SIT TIBI TERRA LEVIS". She was good; I mean: books lover, intelligent, happy toward good pupils; but impacient when those pupils were not as she had expected. She could not measure the consequences of her actions. She did not know anything about my phobies and unsecurities! I forgive her. María:
Can you hear me from the ultra-world? Are your atoms inside a rock or some of your molecules belonging a complete different thing? Can you feel my voice? I forgive you; although I will be for the rest of my life an ignorant, an idiot, a stupid person! I will live with that, but perhaps for the same reason now I can understand better people who do not receive comprehension and LOVE.
Biagio Marini: Sonata sopra La Monica.
When I was 13 there was a blind school in Madrid. My friends would go there; but my father was teacher at the high school from my town: A town that I did not know in sense of having friends, having experiences, etc., then the blind school in Sevilla was 90 Km. far away. I did not want to leave blind schools because for the first time I had found LOVE, but I thought that my parents always were right. My life had been always so: "You must obbey, you must obbey, and all things will get better and better" -I said to myself in the strong belief that it would be the unique way to tell the phobias apart: error! Let us take an element called blind-thirteen-yeard-old girl. Take this element to a new ambiance, unknown except under the parent's umbrella, lead it to a high school where the father is teacher, and a good teacher, with good influences, and leave it in rest state for four years. As a result you obtain...
The other pupils went only to disco. That was horrible for my phobias, I was always frightened... Always? I might go to that Hell five-six times, but I still remember: I might sit on a chair while the others did I do not know what, because I could neither see or hear. I was deaf-blind there, but nooooo, I DO collapse! Unfortunately I was not deaf and I was FORCED to hear a music... Noo! Bach, forgive me! Music? The art of that sublime Euterpe? The art that so big composers and interprets have honored for the fortune of mankind? Music? Sorry sorry sorry! What I was FORCED to hear was not at all music! That was... Noise! The word is now here, NOISE! How could I have forgotten it? There was no VACUUM between song and song, and the surprise-factor due to variations of intensity was always there: That ment that my adrenalin was incredibly loud. Imagine you have drunk 10 cups of very strong coffee!!! So, always so: phobia, phobia, phobia!
But I did not say anything; I only exclaimed: "Dad, mum: I hate discos! I prefer staying at home reading and listening to music". My parents insisted: You must be integrated!". Then I was 13, egoistic, young indeed, and I did not know what integration really ment and why it so important was. I was only aware that I could not stand such bloody places. I also realized that my fellows did not have interest on me: They had been 8 years together before I arrived, they were intimes and I had nothing to do. The same as me with a friend from the blind school that was in Madrid. I was so sad, very sad, quite sad, infinitely and boundariless sad. But I found a place where I could hide away and forget. This place was called... Yes, I know that you know it, because you know all things of the world. IN fact I wonder why I am writing this letter to you if we consider that you know before I write what I will write, then you are the most intelligent person that did existe, does exist and will exist all over the not infinite universe. This place was called BACH. Only four letters, and even four Tunes: B flat, A, C and B. Four sounds for which Bach composed a Fuge a little before his death, I mean, his... Bach is not dead. Before he left new genes to continue the species. Bach! I remember precisely a day, an evening. It was raining; unfortunately that is not very usual here, and those years we had had a very dry periode. Consequently, an hyhpothetic five-yeard-old boy would have collapse if he would have discovered a lot of water drops that fell from the sky. That evening it rained, and I love it because I know that it is necessary and because I enjoy the smell to wet earth and the sound of rain drops very much, this wonderful music from the nature!!! I was hearing a Bach Cantata with the Tölz Boys Choir and tears fall from my blind eyes: ?Oh, oh, oh! What else can I wish? What else can I expect from life? Bach, rain... I am happy; I am full; I have a place in this universe!!! Thank you, IDon'tKnowWho!?. Pause to listen to music.
When I came to Granada to study I also found incomprehension: I felt in depression for the first time. There were too many people, even at the Blind Union ¡precisely there!!!- that were like María: Like her, like her!!! ?You are very silly: You cannot go well along the streets because your orientation sense doesn't exist. You are a lost case. There are clever blind, not so clever blind, stupid blind and you. I hope, before I retire, to find out what your case is". He tought me nothing and for the first time in a mature sense I knew that I was different: Bloody different, stupidly different, martian, intergalactic!!! The crisis in thos years were cyclic. I left the University without have learnt much; and most always alone, alone, alone..., alone with Bach and my books: Classic mitology, romans, The Quijote... Dear books, the best friends! Don Quijote: I love him; I identify with him! He believes strongly in a reality that is not real, but it is real because he believes it, and he acts according to it, although the others say the same that María and the orientation technician of the Blind Union once to me: ?You are crazy! You are stupid! You are silly! You are ridiculous!!!".
I started to work as music teacher in a secondary school, pupils with ages amounth 11-and 16. Phobia, phobia, phobia, phobia!!! Sonophobia!!! Schools are soooo noisy, my Goodness: I DO collapse!!! They shouted always, for all; and I did it never: never, never! I only said: "Silence, please! Without silence there is no sound! Without silence, music is not possible". They could not hear me: It was loud, loud, loud... So during 10 long years with lots of depressions, especialy because my colleagues said: "This job is not for you, you are blind! You cannot control the students, I do 90% of my job with the eyes!". Thank you very much indeed, Lady Cruel!!! Once, at the end of 2010, the situation reached a limit due to my lack of control, my impossibility to reach 30 pupils and teach them something useful; to achieve their respect and love, to be able to understand them and communicate with them. The schoolmaster and all pedagogic personal said the same: That it was not viable; and the Inspector responsible of that school came and concluded the following: "You can not teach Bach and Mozart, but the music they hear at home, at the radio!". What? Phoby! The anti-music, the no-music, the..., that! Nooo! I DO collapse!!!
And so I left the school, convinced by all to apply for a retirement -with my complete salary left, of course- that cost me an enormous shame feeling and five years of really strong depression: Why, I unable to work? Disable for ever? Rubbish? Other blind people are teachers: Why is it for me not possible? AAAAAAAAh! Because I'm silly; I'm stupid; I'm crazy; I don't know anything of Maths and Physics and other Sciences; I have not seen television and I have not gone out with friends of my age; because I am strange listening to early music where others hear Shakira and reggaeton!!! To sum up: I am not adapted to this world, to this life!
I tried to lose my former identity in order to be accepted. I left Bach, I left music, I left books, I left German television, I left all and saw me alone, alone, alone: disperately alone!!! You are THE UNIQUE PERSON to understand me, not only due to your intelligence, but also because of your condition.
OOOOh, now I do not collapse, but... NOOOO, I do not collapse, but... I... I... I... Please wait! I am crying!!! Oh at last!!! For courtesy, wait a little more! I have written during four hours, in the middle of the night. That is a secret between you and me! I have expressed a lot, a lot, a lot..., and to you..., why? I don't know you! You are an eminence! You have lots of investigations to carry out; lots of papers to write; lots of interesting things; thousands friends and colleagues that need you! You must be there for the world: It is cruel to be disturbed by a silly, stupid, idiot, crazy lady!
The reason is that you are the only one that perhaps can understand me! If you do not understand me I will assume, but now calmly and peacefuly and happily, that NOBODY will do it indeed!!! Now I know that it constitues not a serious problem, but I have lots of difficulties because people, even in my own family, do not allow that I am what or who or which I want to be, and not what or which or who they say or they consider as correct. If you think like them, I will calmly and peacefuly assume that I am crazy, stupid, silly, idiot and unpolite, but I will be the unique silly, idiot, stupid, crazy and unpolite Rocío in this world; and that makes me big in the smallness of the planet.
T. Morley: Dances for broken consort.
For the first time I am not afraid of death. You said that. I saw your 2014 film, in Spanish "La teoría del todo", those Christmas days. I was always depressed; I thought that hope and happiness were not possible for me: 5 years without crying! Yes, you will surprise... NO, you will not surprise, then you know all things of this universe and beyond it. Crying is the most important thing!!! It is a gift to cry; to be able to do it, I mean. So please... You will Let me cry a Little more, won't you? Only five minutes...! But do not worry! It is a cry of happiness! I have found somebody who DOES understand me: it is very important!!! [...] Mudarra: diferencias sobre El Conde Claros.
Ready and with handkerchief, thank you! After the film I went to the docu "The life of a genius", and there you said that you did not want to die. I was five years plus other periods in emotional letargy, id est, without having in the limbic system other emotions beyond the great pity and sadness and wish to... Collapse? Wish to... No!!! You said you did not want to die because you might do lots of things before. Oh my goodness! You deserve to be inmortal! Yes, you deserve it! But now I understand why you cannot be inmortal: If you would not die and your body remained frozen in time, you would repeat yourself, repeat yourself, repeat yourself until the eternity before the last big crunch [paradoxal again!!!], and it would be so boreing, because you would be in aeternum by repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating yourself, and you would not have somebody to love, somebody to hear, somebody to speak to, somebody to help, somebody to hug, somebody to insult (nooo, not insult!), and, the most important thing, SOMEBODY TO TEACH, TO TAKE BY THE HAND AND SHOW THE WORLD, as you are just doing with me!!! LOVE!!! You said that each of us according to our possibilities must try to understand the universe where he lives. You said it... But not only that!!! You said it... Oh wait, wait, wait!!! I must cry five minutes more, don't go! [...] You said it with LOVE, with PASSION, with... You... NO, no, no, I DO collapse!!! You LIVE because of that!!!
When you were almost 21 and aware of your finitude, finitude like all people but a very brief finitude indeed..., I am sure that... NOOOOOOO!!!
What I am going to say is very, very, very egoistic, I beg your pardon. In this tormentous period, in those endlos five years... NOOO! Let me cry, but really do not worry! I am so happy now...!!! I can understand Archimede after his discovering! Although he was not in a bathroom and didn't say "Eureka". And Newton neither with an apple over the head!!! Oh, perhaps nobody exists, all is a big tale..., and now I am writing to... To whom? And who am I, where am I, why am I here, where shall we go?
OOOOOOH I DO colapse!!! Oh yes, I've got it! In those five years, each day with each night, each hour with each minute with each second, my only wish was... It was... You know that, because you are the most intelligent, human and strong person all over the universe and beyond it. A life without feelings, without emotions, without company, without love is not a life. That is the reason why the bicentenial man wanted to die. That is the reason why you are not afraid of death. That is the reason why I am reading "A brief history of time"!!! That Christmas day I heard your old voice saying: "I'm not afraid of death, but I am in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first". My thought then was: "I am horrible, horrible, horrible! He has lots of troubles, even the risk to remain communicationsless! He cannot move, he depends of people every second!!! If one day his crew get fed up and under the weather and leave him alone, he dies!!! Let me cry. [...] <but my mind did not change in that sense: I wanted to abandon all and not to suffer more. A few months later, my acceptance in a really amateur music group and five days in <Germany with wonderful friends, magnificent music and a complete terapy by singing and playing at the street to lose the phobia to mistakes, alltogether with love and comprehension, made the rest.
Does emotional coma exist? I have suffered it during five years. At the beginning of april I have begun to wake up. The first emotion was even weap: Big amounths of tears; streams, oceans...! I cried during two days almost continuily!!! And then it cames... Laugh! But laugh; five minutes later weap; then joy; then sadness; then... I was drunken of emotions, after five years without feeling anything!!! Is that normal, Excellentissime, Eminentissime, Sapientissime, Humanissime, fortissime? Is that normal? My dearest: There are lots of people now that do not understand me; lots of people that find this change strange; lots of people that call me neurotic or bipolar. My dearest...! Do you know what I reply, for the first time in all my life? Yes, of course you know, amatissime!!! Repeat with me, please, I want to hear YOUR VOICE: I DON'T MIND, I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind!!!
Bravooooooooo!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You are the best one!!! You have given me the most important lesson: There are no boundaries!!! With you I do learn because you love teaching!!! You have taken me by the hand and led me to unknown regions of the galaxy and of knowledges!!! Please don't leave me now!!! Don't give up! Continue writing; continue investigating; continue teaching; continue loving; continue laughing; continue continuing!!! PLEASE!!! DO IT FOR ME, OR I DO DEFINITIVELY COLLAPSE!!!
Do you understand now? Yes, of course, Herr Professor Doktor Waiser Leidenschaftlicher Hawking!!! TIBI GRATIAS AGO!!!
And now the last beg I hope you accept: Let me hug you!!! But I recommend you to be extremely prudent: Your life could be in serious danger if I apply the strenght you merit, my dearest professor Hawking!
Ich erinnere mich noch genau an den Morgen, an dem ich zum erstenmal nach der Bedeutung des Wortes «lieben» fragte. Dies geschah, als ich erst wenige Wörter kannte. Ich hatte ein paar frühe Veilchen im Garten gefunden und brachte sie meiner Lehrerin. Sie versuchte mich zu küssen-, aber damals mochte ich es noch nicht, wenn mich jemand außer meiner Mutter küßte. Miss Sullivan legte zärtlich ihren Arm um mich und buchstabierte mir in die Hand: «Ich liebe Helen.»
«Was ist lieben?» fragte ich.
Sie zog mich näher zu sich heran und sagte: «Es ist hier drinnen», indem sie auf mein Herz deutete, dessen Schläge ich jetzt zum erstenmal bewußt fühlte. ihre Worte befremdeten mich aufs äußerste, weil ich damals noch nichts verstand, wenn ich es nicht zugleich berühren konnte.
Ich roch an den Veilchen in ihrer Hand und stellte, halb mit Worten, halb mit Zeichen, eine Frage, deren Sinn etwa war: «Ist Liebe der Duft der Blumen?»
«Nein», erwiderte meine Lehrerin.
Wieder sann ich nach. Die Sonne wärmte uns mit ihren Strahlen. Ich fragte, indem ich in die Richtung deutete, aus der die Wärme kam: «Ist das nicht Liebe?»
Es schien mir, als könne es nichts Schöneres geben als die
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Sonne, deren Wärme alles zum Wachsen und Blühen brachte. Aber Miss Sullivan schüttelte den Kopf, und ich war sehr verwundert und enttäuscht. Ich fand es seltsam, daß meine Lehrerin mir die Liebe nicht zeigen konnte.
Einige Tage später rehte ich Perlen von verschiedener Größe in regelmäßigen Gruppen auf - zwei große, drei kleine und so weiter. Ich hatte mehrere Fehler gemacht, und Miss Sullivan hatte mich mit liebevoller Geduld immer wieder darauf hingewiesen. Endlich bemerkte ich einen ganz offenbaren Irrtum in der Reihenfolge, und einen Augenblick konzentrierte ich meine ganze Aufmerksamkeit auf mein Vorhaben und versuchte, herauszubekommen, wie ich die Perlen hätte aneinanderreihen sollen. Miss Sullivan berührte meine Stirn und buchstabierte mit großem Nachdruck: think (denken).
Im Nu erkannte ich, daß das Wort die Bezeichnung für den Vorgang war, der sich in meinem Kopf abspielte. Es war meine erste bewußte Vorstellung eines abstrakten Begriffes.
Eine Zeitlang saß ich still da - ich dachte nicht über die Perlen in meinem Schoß nach, sondern versuchte, im Licht dieses neuen Begriffs die Bedeutung von «Liebe» zu ergründen. Die Sonne war den ganzen Tag hinter Wolken versteckt gewesen, und es waren kurze Regenschauer gefallen; plötzlich brach jedoch die Sonne in all ihrem südlichen Glanz hervor.
Wieder fragte ich meine Lehrerin: «Ist das nicht Liebe?» «Liebe ist etwas Ähnliches wie die Wolken, die am Himmel standen, bevor die Sonne hervorbrach», entgegnete sie.
Dann fuhr sie in schlichteren Worten als die vorhergehenden, die ich damals noch nicht verstehen konnte, fort: «Du weißt, du kannst die Wolken nicht berühren, aber du
39
fühlst den Regen und weißt, wie froh die Blumen und die durstige Erde sind, wenn er nach einem heißen Tag auf sie niederströmt. Auch die Liebe kannst du nicht berühren, aber du empfindest das Entzücken, das sie über alles ausgießt. Ohne Liebe würdest du weder glücklich sein noch spielen wollen.»
Mit einem Schlag offenbarte sich die Wahrheit meinem Geist - ich fühlte, es gab unsichtbare Bande, die sich zwischen meiner Seele und den Seelen anderer hinzogen".
From: Keller, Helen – "A story of my life". In German translation by Werner DeHaas.
Copyright 1993 by Scherz Verlag, Published by Arrangement with Doubleday.
Chapter 2, page 10 from "A brief history of time", after the train and the observer.
Es casi milagroso que los métodos modernos de instrucción no hayan conseguido ahogar por completo la santa curiosidad de la investigación, pues la principal necesidad de tan delicada planta, aparte del estímulo inicial, es la libertad. Sin ésta, corre seguro peligro de muerte... y creo que incluso puede despojarse de su voracidad a un animal de presa sano si se lo obliga a comer a golpes de látigo, con hambre o sin ella...Albert Einstein.
Hawking: su tiempo y el del universo. So sees a blind person THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING.
Jane, his first wife. Lucy, his daughter.
Dearest Prof. Dr. Excellentissime Eminentissime sapientissime
Stephen Hawking,
now I understand VERY WELL!!! The key word is... E L O V! L V O E! Have you got it now? LOVE!!! Young blind people discover the world.
When I went to the blind school, my teacher María said always that I was a really mess in Maths: Hihi, "Mess in maths"! When we were FORCED to solve those horrible problems, I knew from the beginning that I would not be able to reach the correct solution. I used to take two numbers from the given data and started adding them. "What have you done?". She took my frightened finger by shouting and pressed it against the piece of plastic with the three dots representing the Zero. This system is now old-fashioned, but we had the -for me diabolic- mathematic box. It consisted of a box, obviously, closed with a latch. When you open it, at the left side there is a rectangle grid, with... Oh I do not remember the numbers of rows and columns. This part of the diabolic box was like a grill; then it was full of holes, little holes; for me black holes. The right part, the one that remains down when you close it, had six Casilleros? Lockers! Stephen Hawking for children.
Our reading-writing system, the Braille Alphabet, has combinations of six dots because Louis Braille –in that period of time he was a 12-year-old boy- discovered that the Barbier-Sonographie with twelve dots was not apropriated, for two main reasons: Blind people HAVE RIGHT TO KNOW the ortography -right-writing way- of words, and BEING BLIND DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN BEEING STUPID. Gennet Corcuera: A deaf-blind héroe!
Barbier Sonographie, a by him designed method... Hm, das ist Deutsch... Wait: Barbier's Sonography, a... Barbiers. Sonography, a system created by him in a military context with the idea to communicate at night in the darkness, was based on combinations of twelve dots. Little Louis, pupil in the school for blind Valentin Haüy,, had lost his sight capacity when he was three. His father was shuman... Nee: Hilf mir, WB! Ach so, I've got it! His father was shoemaker and once Louis was playing there with an instrument used to work the leather, a... Brrrr! Lezna. I do not fancy to search, you can understand me very well. When I think of your communication problems I become so angry, so angry, so angry... Because your brain is working almost infinitely fast but you must express yourself almost infinitely slow, damn it!
How Helen Keller learns to speak.
Sometimes, and keeping the huge distances between YOU and me, I feel the same: I feel that I am not compre... Compris, verstanden, understood? I am not understood by some people around me, which say that I am idiot / stupid / silly / not normal / strange / "completeTheGapsAsYouWantTo". I try to leave clear that they are wrong, but it is impossible; and so I collapse, yes, COLLAPSE: Dangerous illness from your book; the term, I mean. I do collapse and cry, cry, cry deeply and bitterly. For example: Since I have begun this letter, my laptop has been blocked twice. Now I have discovered the problem: My Screen Reader, Jaws, from Freedom Scientific, with voice synthesiser Eloquence, has a script that interfers... Sorry, from now until the end of this letter without dictionary; the bloody browser, IE8, is infinitely and boundariless stupid!!! I am about to drop the laptop from the lean tower of Pisa to have the joy to see how it falls, although I cannot calcul the acceleration, the trajectory and other diabolic formula.
Using a computer as a blind person.
Oh God God God... Sorry... Oh... Oh Bach Bach Bach!!! I was speaking about the diabolic mathematic box: I have lost the thread, the topic. But the script! A Jaws script-collapse... Again? Hm..., when I press the Back-Delete taste... Can you believe me if I say that I had written Bach-Delete? "Bach-delete?". Nein nein, Bach delete, auf keinen Fall!
The big questions.
Barbiers. Sonography blablabla [...] lezna. That was a... What do wasps have to, to... Um zu stechen, damt it! Ah, Sting! But now I can understand you VERY well. How do you bear these communication barriers? Darf ich von nun an auf Deutsch schreiben? Das wäre besser; but you are an English man in Cambridge, although you were for a few days in New York to meet Plácido Domingo at the Met: At the Met I met Peaceful Sunday..., = Plácido Domingo. Verdammt nochmal, ich haße mich tief! Deutsch ist einfacher als Englisch, tut mir leid!
Little Louis suffered an infection in an eye that went rapidely to the other eye and became blind as a tragic result. At the beginning he did not go to school. The School Valentin Haüy was only in work a few years before. Monsieur Haüy had seen blind people in a feer. Feer? The song of Simon & Garfunkel... Have I written it well? I have no IE, no Google, no anything: I am from the last millenium! IE is collapsed!
Those blind people were making apparently funy things; perhaps they also thought to be doing humor and fun for the turists, but what they made was... Oh I am crying; I am crying: I am crying deeply, strongly and furiously like green colourless ideas that sleep; instead I am not sleeping, because the night is wonderful: life is wonderful; our orchestra is... Nooooo, collapse!!! Now I am thinking that the whole mankind will see the lines I drop you from the lean tower of Pisa... Recollapse! Because you have NO POSSIBILITY to be sent [?] private messages. I can understand it very well: If the miliards of million people who love, praise and admire you were sending you private messages constantly, you would not have had enough time to study the space / time / no time.
Video: A brief history of time in two minutes.
Now there is light in my idiot, stupid, silly and crazy mind: Perhaps I was lost with English. You did not say that the universe is infinite, because that is not possible! That is not possible and I can understand it perfectly because it deals about language, about syntax. I mean... Before the Big Bang, there was nothing. Is that sentence logic? No, no, no and definitively no! Before... Before... Before... Not possible!!! If there was no time before the Big Bang, it was either no "BEFORE"! Very simple! My nephew Adrián is ten years old and I am sure that he could deduce it so quickly like me!!!
Master of the universe.
And now that I have solved the mystery of universe, or at least one of the most important misteries indeed, I continue:
Those blind people were... The beggar's opera. They were beggars. They were making clown things, like a tale I read when I was 13 and made me collapse: Oscar Wilde's "The princess. Birthday". No Internet, no browser, no... Mon Dieu: Firefox, come and save me! This netbook is from 2009, incredibly slow, but I get on well with Windows XP and not withWindows 8; Bach has put it on my way so that I understand the reason why you have HAL (your old sintezizer I mean) and not Daniel. Thank you!
"The Princess' Birthday" was the tale? I do not talk about the argument: You have read it; you have done all, also... Haüy cried and collapsed like me now, but he had constructive ideas: créer un'échole pour mal voyants, o la la, c'est magnifique! And so he did, secundum scripturas, but if it was written, that must be really boreing, as you think: Jesus does always what is written. That is fuori emozioni, come si dice...? Aaaah, I do not collapse! Emotionless! [?] Is it not allowed that God exit from the... Guidelines, the.... Rules, the... In a film, the argument... Kommunikationsbarriers, Hilfe!!! Jesus in a school.
Louis remained at home until he was I do not know, nine? He went to school but he could not read or write. But... You know the story of Louis because you know all things of the world and beyond it; also I do not make lose more of your precious and appreciated time not only for you, but also for mankind, because it is absolutely necessary that you are free to be there for all us, in saecula saeculorum, amen.
I continue with the diabolic torture instrument called "mathematic box". I am exorcising it and I am feeling relaxed, for the first time in my brief and miserable life [ironic joke]. [Ctrl+S]. Now, the matter was Braille-combinations of six dots! Six why? Because little boy Louis saw that twelve dots were too much for the finger... Finger PartOfTheFingerWeUseToTouch. I DO collapse!!! He designed a complete and very logical alphabett based of combinations from six dots. That was very limited, but as I do not know multiplizieren... Two by two and so on. As I do not know very well or scarcery well, and in addition I am very lazy, I do not fancy to calculate the possible combinations. But... Six dots distributed in two columns, three dots vertical left plus three vertical right: The magic sign; the magic two columns that opened the door to knowledge; wisdom; information; education; work; exit from beggar-state!!! Video: 5 yeard-old boy Reading Braille.
Louis, Louis, Louis! Wir loben dich; wir preisen dich; wir knien vor dir nieder; wir beugen vor dir; wir küssen den Boden, wo du getreten bist; wir... Häääää? I have not visited Coupvray [Oh, what is
that, "real hit"? Really it was so!!!]! I have not visited Louis?
House in Paris! I have not visited the School Valentin Haüy! I am ungrateful! Louis, I beg your pardon... Sorry: Je vous en prie: Soyez-vous si gentil de m'excuser, mais je vous promis d'aller vous voir. Bien sûr! Je vais le fair parce que je suive ce que je promis; puisque j'ai promis Monsieur Professeur Docteur Savant jusqu'a l'infinite et PLUS ULTRa de lire A Brief History Of Time Même si je suis ignorante et stupide: ¡Et je suis en train de le lire, et je suis en comprénant beaucoup beaucoup! Louis, j'irai vous voir! DIXI!!!
This mathematic box had also six lockers. There were three kinds of numbers, [ctrl+S]; the numbers were pieces, like in a game. They were prismatic and had thus four plus four positions. I mean, you can put each piece in 8 possible ways by turning it. Video: Teaching maths to blind people. But let it be! You can search what mathematic box was and look up a lot of photos and if you do not want to, you can go sleep and dream with far galaxies and freedom in space, and voyages beyond the space / time... Collapse! If you go outside the space / time, you can not go! A logical sentence! My ten-yeared-old nephew could understand it!!! So simple is the world, so simple! You are a genius! Not -not only- for the reason that you have discovered all the things that you have discovered and which dimmension I will never be able to understand if we consider that I am ignorant and silly and stupid, but because you have done that such an ignorant and silly and stupid lady understands the origine of the universe: Bravooo! And I must still say: Bravooo! [CTRL+S]
Video: How blind people uses a computer. [MSWord, the text could have characteristics that are not compatible with the selected format; do you want to continue anyway? Yes, stupid: Yes, yes, yes, yes. MSWord dialogue, [Dialogue says my Screen reader], you could lose characteristics from the original text if you select the conversion star point txt. Do you want to continue? Brrrr, I DO collapse!!! Let me live; let me live; let me live!!! What have I done to you, my dear personal computer? Should I adress my prayer to the informatic God? Who is the informatic God? Holy Silitium?
Look! Look! Look!!! Braille –sonography, I mean- was invented for military purposes; Internet was invented for military purposes: A is true; B is true. Conclusion: We are the worst race of the universe! QUOD ERAT DEMONSTRANDUM. Why? Because in order to go on, to go ahead, we need wars!!! We need wars to develope progress!!! That is absolutely not surprising, but it makes me quite sad: We cannot invent Braille or Internet simply because we have the noble aim to make other's life happier! Video: School for blind girls in Guadalajara.
María took my finger and pressed it over the zero. She shouted. Now I know, for two months I know: Sonophobia!!! Does it exist? When I was a Little baby, I hated toys who could move or speak or "have own life". At first I hated toys in general; and new voices; and new ambiences; and unexpected things; and claxons; and every Lärm. Nooo, I DO coll... And bruits... And... Brrrr, wie, wie, wie? Sounds no, unangenehme... Disaffortunated sounds... Disagréable... Bruits! Verdammt! Hm, that happens when I am thinking very fast. Relax, control, Deep breathing! Don't swing, my goodness! Anyway: you know what "ruido" is because you know all things of this world and beyond it. Audio: I play the recorder.
My parents did a wonderful work, but the phobies remained in lots of contexts. When I was with relatives or known and confident persons, I felt sure and protected; but even in this ambience there were things that made me collapse; for example new toys: toys who could speak / move / do things that scaped to my control, as I told before. I used to be closed in my world..., in my particular galaxy. Once, when I was three, my sister cellebrated a birthday with friends. I wanted to come in. "No, it is not your birthday" -said the Little girls who were not able to measure the consequences of their prohibition. Then I did not know why, but now... Now I think that from that moment I was for the first time aware of my difference. I went to my bedroom and started to make a lot of noise: To open and close the doors, to beat with hands and feet, to shout..., to jump... "What are you doing?". "They are Juan Pana and the Forty Cousines!". -was my invention. Now I am aware of that geniality: Bravooo, I was super!!! :-) I had found a way to soften, to fight against my solitude, my loneliness! Blind kids playing football. Normaly I was not alone because my parents were in each moment with me; I went to the countryside with them; I played with them; they gave me love, lots of love; and comprehension; and with them I was not afraid..., no, no!!! But... I never spoke of those terrors, never: only at school withe another blind girl. My parents could see from time to time that I was not relaxed and had strange behaviours at the exposition with the phobic elements; I became completely in tension without apparent reason."What's the matter?". "Nothing". I only wanted to be left in peace, because I thought that they would criticize and ridiculize [?] such silly fears. "No, no: Tell us, tell us, tell us". Then I could not exclaim: "Oooo, I DO collapse!!!". Instead of that I invented a story: "There are demons in the schrank... [?] cupboard. I am very glad that my dictionary and my browsers are slow: So I can understand a little more your barriers. Thank you! [CTRL+S]. Purcell with the New College Choir.
And so on. María pressed my finger against the zero and shouted: "But Rocío, my goodness! How did you put this zero here? Are you silly, creature?". Pain, pain: I could feel the pain in my finger. I could feel the scares of those insults expressed at the presence of the other fellows. Hurt, hurt, hurt. Before such glorious episode I hated Maths, but from that moment in forward I decided to hate them much more: deeply, hearthily, strongly!!! I took the two numbers again and I substracted them. "But
Rocío, my goodness, silly girl! [...]". After a few combinations, made without logic, I could solve the problem: "Oh, the flute has sounded!". This expression is said in our country, "Sonó la flauta", to indicate that there has been a casuality. So: the result is not a searched one, but an exclussion of possible combinations.
And so did it go until I changed teacher when I was 11. The new teachers LOVED me!!! I mean: They did not shout; they encouraged me to formulate questions and never said that I was stupid when my answers were wrong. They did not devaluate my achievements by exclaiming that "sonó la flauta por
casualidad". On the contrary they took me tenderly by the hand and... And I could understand the entire and fractionary numbers, the polyhedra, The area of circles and triangles and quadrats, the average and mediana and I do not know what more!!!
Video: Teaching blind children. Of course I have forgotten it, so long time ago. María is dead, "SIT TIBI TERRA LEVIS". She was good; I mean: books lover, intelligent, happy toward good pupils; but impacient when those pupils were not as she had expected. She could not measure the consequences of her actions. She did not know anything about my phobies and unsecurities! I forgive her. María:
Can you hear me from the ultra-world? Are your atoms inside a rock or some of your molecules belonging a complete different thing? Can you feel my voice? I forgive you; although I will be for the rest of my life an ignorant, an idiot, a stupid person! I will live with that, but perhaps for the same reason now I can understand better people who do not receive comprehension and LOVE.
Biagio Marini: Sonata sopra La Monica.
When I was 13 there was a blind school in Madrid. My friends would go there; but my father was teacher at the high school from my town: A town that I did not know in sense of having friends, having experiences, etc., then the blind school in Sevilla was 90 Km. far away. I did not want to leave blind schools because for the first time I had found LOVE, but I thought that my parents always were right. My life had been always so: "You must obbey, you must obbey, and all things will get better and better" -I said to myself in the strong belief that it would be the unique way to tell the phobias apart: error! Let us take an element called blind-thirteen-yeard-old girl. Take this element to a new ambiance, unknown except under the parent's umbrella, lead it to a high school where the father is teacher, and a good teacher, with good influences, and leave it in rest state for four years. As a result you obtain...
The other pupils went only to disco. That was horrible for my phobias, I was always frightened... Always? I might go to that Hell five-six times, but I still remember: I might sit on a chair while the others did I do not know what, because I could neither see or hear. I was deaf-blind there, but nooooo, I DO collapse! Unfortunately I was not deaf and I was FORCED to hear a music... Noo! Bach, forgive me! Music? The art of that sublime Euterpe? The art that so big composers and interprets have honored for the fortune of mankind? Music? Sorry sorry sorry! What I was FORCED to hear was not at all music! That was... Noise! The word is now here, NOISE! How could I have forgotten it? There was no VACUUM between song and song, and the surprise-factor due to variations of intensity was always there: That ment that my adrenalin was incredibly loud. Imagine you have drunk 10 cups of very strong coffee!!! So, always so: phobia, phobia, phobia!
But I did not say anything; I only exclaimed: "Dad, mum: I hate discos! I prefer staying at home reading and listening to music". My parents insisted: You must be integrated!". Then I was 13, egoistic, young indeed, and I did not know what integration really ment and why it so important was. I was only aware that I could not stand such bloody places. I also realized that my fellows did not have interest on me: They had been 8 years together before I arrived, they were intimes and I had nothing to do. The same as me with a friend from the blind school that was in Madrid. I was so sad, very sad, quite sad, infinitely and boundariless sad. But I found a place where I could hide away and forget. This place was called... Yes, I know that you know it, because you know all things of the world. IN fact I wonder why I am writing this letter to you if we consider that you know before I write what I will write, then you are the most intelligent person that did existe, does exist and will exist all over the not infinite universe. This place was called BACH. Only four letters, and even four Tunes: B flat, A, C and B. Four sounds for which Bach composed a Fuge a little before his death, I mean, his... Bach is not dead. Before he left new genes to continue the species. Bach! I remember precisely a day, an evening. It was raining; unfortunately that is not very usual here, and those years we had had a very dry periode. Consequently, an hyhpothetic five-yeard-old boy would have collapse if he would have discovered a lot of water drops that fell from the sky. That evening it rained, and I love it because I know that it is necessary and because I enjoy the smell to wet earth and the sound of rain drops very much, this wonderful music from the nature!!! I was hearing a Bach Cantata with the Tölz Boys Choir and tears fall from my blind eyes: ?Oh, oh, oh! What else can I wish? What else can I expect from life? Bach, rain... I am happy; I am full; I have a place in this universe!!! Thank you, IDon'tKnowWho!?. Pause to listen to music.
When I came to Granada to study I also found incomprehension: I felt in depression for the first time. There were too many people, even at the Blind Union ¡precisely there!!!- that were like María: Like her, like her!!! ?You are very silly: You cannot go well along the streets because your orientation sense doesn't exist. You are a lost case. There are clever blind, not so clever blind, stupid blind and you. I hope, before I retire, to find out what your case is". He tought me nothing and for the first time in a mature sense I knew that I was different: Bloody different, stupidly different, martian, intergalactic!!! The crisis in thos years were cyclic. I left the University without have learnt much; and most always alone, alone, alone..., alone with Bach and my books: Classic mitology, romans, The Quijote... Dear books, the best friends! Don Quijote: I love him; I identify with him! He believes strongly in a reality that is not real, but it is real because he believes it, and he acts according to it, although the others say the same that María and the orientation technician of the Blind Union once to me: ?You are crazy! You are stupid! You are silly! You are ridiculous!!!".
I started to work as music teacher in a secondary school, pupils with ages amounth 11-and 16. Phobia, phobia, phobia, phobia!!! Sonophobia!!! Schools are soooo noisy, my Goodness: I DO collapse!!! They shouted always, for all; and I did it never: never, never! I only said: "Silence, please! Without silence there is no sound! Without silence, music is not possible". They could not hear me: It was loud, loud, loud... So during 10 long years with lots of depressions, especialy because my colleagues said: "This job is not for you, you are blind! You cannot control the students, I do 90% of my job with the eyes!". Thank you very much indeed, Lady Cruel!!! Once, at the end of 2010, the situation reached a limit due to my lack of control, my impossibility to reach 30 pupils and teach them something useful; to achieve their respect and love, to be able to understand them and communicate with them. The schoolmaster and all pedagogic personal said the same: That it was not viable; and the Inspector responsible of that school came and concluded the following: "You can not teach Bach and Mozart, but the music they hear at home, at the radio!". What? Phoby! The anti-music, the no-music, the..., that! Nooo! I DO collapse!!!
And so I left the school, convinced by all to apply for a retirement -with my complete salary left, of course- that cost me an enormous shame feeling and five years of really strong depression: Why, I unable to work? Disable for ever? Rubbish? Other blind people are teachers: Why is it for me not possible? AAAAAAAAh! Because I'm silly; I'm stupid; I'm crazy; I don't know anything of Maths and Physics and other Sciences; I have not seen television and I have not gone out with friends of my age; because I am strange listening to early music where others hear Shakira and reggaeton!!! To sum up: I am not adapted to this world, to this life!
I tried to lose my former identity in order to be accepted. I left Bach, I left music, I left books, I left German television, I left all and saw me alone, alone, alone: disperately alone!!! You are THE UNIQUE PERSON to understand me, not only due to your intelligence, but also because of your condition.
OOOOh, now I do not collapse, but... NOOOO, I do not collapse, but... I... I... I... Please wait! I am crying!!! Oh at last!!! For courtesy, wait a little more! I have written during four hours, in the middle of the night. That is a secret between you and me! I have expressed a lot, a lot, a lot..., and to you..., why? I don't know you! You are an eminence! You have lots of investigations to carry out; lots of papers to write; lots of interesting things; thousands friends and colleagues that need you! You must be there for the world: It is cruel to be disturbed by a silly, stupid, idiot, crazy lady!
The reason is that you are the only one that perhaps can understand me! If you do not understand me I will assume, but now calmly and peacefuly and happily, that NOBODY will do it indeed!!! Now I know that it constitues not a serious problem, but I have lots of difficulties because people, even in my own family, do not allow that I am what or who or which I want to be, and not what or which or who they say or they consider as correct. If you think like them, I will calmly and peacefuly assume that I am crazy, stupid, silly, idiot and unpolite, but I will be the unique silly, idiot, stupid, crazy and unpolite Rocío in this world; and that makes me big in the smallness of the planet.
T. Morley: Dances for broken consort.
For the first time I am not afraid of death. You said that. I saw your 2014 film, in Spanish "La teoría del todo", those Christmas days. I was always depressed; I thought that hope and happiness were not possible for me: 5 years without crying! Yes, you will surprise... NO, you will not surprise, then you know all things of this universe and beyond it. Crying is the most important thing!!! It is a gift to cry; to be able to do it, I mean. So please... You will Let me cry a Little more, won't you? Only five minutes...! But do not worry! It is a cry of happiness! I have found somebody who DOES understand me: it is very important!!! [...] Mudarra: diferencias sobre El Conde Claros.
Ready and with handkerchief, thank you! After the film I went to the docu "The life of a genius", and there you said that you did not want to die. I was five years plus other periods in emotional letargy, id est, without having in the limbic system other emotions beyond the great pity and sadness and wish to... Collapse? Wish to... No!!! You said you did not want to die because you might do lots of things before. Oh my goodness! You deserve to be inmortal! Yes, you deserve it! But now I understand why you cannot be inmortal: If you would not die and your body remained frozen in time, you would repeat yourself, repeat yourself, repeat yourself until the eternity before the last big crunch [paradoxal again!!!], and it would be so boreing, because you would be in aeternum by repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating yourself, and you would not have somebody to love, somebody to hear, somebody to speak to, somebody to help, somebody to hug, somebody to insult (nooo, not insult!), and, the most important thing, SOMEBODY TO TEACH, TO TAKE BY THE HAND AND SHOW THE WORLD, as you are just doing with me!!! LOVE!!! You said that each of us according to our possibilities must try to understand the universe where he lives. You said it... But not only that!!! You said it... Oh wait, wait, wait!!! I must cry five minutes more, don't go! [...] You said it with LOVE, with PASSION, with... You... NO, no, no, I DO collapse!!! You LIVE because of that!!!
When you were almost 21 and aware of your finitude, finitude like all people but a very brief finitude indeed..., I am sure that... NOOOOOOO!!!
What I am going to say is very, very, very egoistic, I beg your pardon. In this tormentous period, in those endlos five years... NOOO! Let me cry, but really do not worry! I am so happy now...!!! I can understand Archimede after his discovering! Although he was not in a bathroom and didn't say "Eureka". And Newton neither with an apple over the head!!! Oh, perhaps nobody exists, all is a big tale..., and now I am writing to... To whom? And who am I, where am I, why am I here, where shall we go?
OOOOOOH I DO colapse!!! Oh yes, I've got it! In those five years, each day with each night, each hour with each minute with each second, my only wish was... It was... You know that, because you are the most intelligent, human and strong person all over the universe and beyond it. A life without feelings, without emotions, without company, without love is not a life. That is the reason why the bicentenial man wanted to die. That is the reason why you are not afraid of death. That is the reason why I am reading "A brief history of time"!!! That Christmas day I heard your old voice saying: "I'm not afraid of death, but I am in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first". My thought then was: "I am horrible, horrible, horrible! He has lots of troubles, even the risk to remain communicationsless! He cannot move, he depends of people every second!!! If one day his crew get fed up and under the weather and leave him alone, he dies!!! Let me cry. [...] <but my mind did not change in that sense: I wanted to abandon all and not to suffer more. A few months later, my acceptance in a really amateur music group and five days in <Germany with wonderful friends, magnificent music and a complete terapy by singing and playing at the street to lose the phobia to mistakes, alltogether with love and comprehension, made the rest.
Does emotional coma exist? I have suffered it during five years. At the beginning of april I have begun to wake up. The first emotion was even weap: Big amounths of tears; streams, oceans...! I cried during two days almost continuily!!! And then it cames... Laugh! But laugh; five minutes later weap; then joy; then sadness; then... I was drunken of emotions, after five years without feeling anything!!! Is that normal, Excellentissime, Eminentissime, Sapientissime, Humanissime, fortissime? Is that normal? My dearest: There are lots of people now that do not understand me; lots of people that find this change strange; lots of people that call me neurotic or bipolar. My dearest...! Do you know what I reply, for the first time in all my life? Yes, of course you know, amatissime!!! Repeat with me, please, I want to hear YOUR VOICE: I DON'T MIND, I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind!!!
Bravooooooooo!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You are the best one!!! You have given me the most important lesson: There are no boundaries!!! With you I do learn because you love teaching!!! You have taken me by the hand and led me to unknown regions of the galaxy and of knowledges!!! Please don't leave me now!!! Don't give up! Continue writing; continue investigating; continue teaching; continue loving; continue laughing; continue continuing!!! PLEASE!!! DO IT FOR ME, OR I DO DEFINITIVELY COLLAPSE!!!
Do you understand now? Yes, of course, Herr Professor Doktor Waiser Leidenschaftlicher Hawking!!! TIBI GRATIAS AGO!!!
And now the last beg I hope you accept: Let me hug you!!! But I recommend you to be extremely prudent: Your life could be in serious danger if I apply the strenght you merit, my dearest professor Hawking!
Ich erinnere mich noch genau an den Morgen, an dem ich zum erstenmal nach der Bedeutung des Wortes «lieben» fragte. Dies geschah, als ich erst wenige Wörter kannte. Ich hatte ein paar frühe Veilchen im Garten gefunden und brachte sie meiner Lehrerin. Sie versuchte mich zu küssen-, aber damals mochte ich es noch nicht, wenn mich jemand außer meiner Mutter küßte. Miss Sullivan legte zärtlich ihren Arm um mich und buchstabierte mir in die Hand: «Ich liebe Helen.»
«Was ist lieben?» fragte ich.
Sie zog mich näher zu sich heran und sagte: «Es ist hier drinnen», indem sie auf mein Herz deutete, dessen Schläge ich jetzt zum erstenmal bewußt fühlte. ihre Worte befremdeten mich aufs äußerste, weil ich damals noch nichts verstand, wenn ich es nicht zugleich berühren konnte.
Ich roch an den Veilchen in ihrer Hand und stellte, halb mit Worten, halb mit Zeichen, eine Frage, deren Sinn etwa war: «Ist Liebe der Duft der Blumen?»
«Nein», erwiderte meine Lehrerin.
Wieder sann ich nach. Die Sonne wärmte uns mit ihren Strahlen. Ich fragte, indem ich in die Richtung deutete, aus der die Wärme kam: «Ist das nicht Liebe?»
Es schien mir, als könne es nichts Schöneres geben als die
38
Sonne, deren Wärme alles zum Wachsen und Blühen brachte. Aber Miss Sullivan schüttelte den Kopf, und ich war sehr verwundert und enttäuscht. Ich fand es seltsam, daß meine Lehrerin mir die Liebe nicht zeigen konnte.
Einige Tage später rehte ich Perlen von verschiedener Größe in regelmäßigen Gruppen auf - zwei große, drei kleine und so weiter. Ich hatte mehrere Fehler gemacht, und Miss Sullivan hatte mich mit liebevoller Geduld immer wieder darauf hingewiesen. Endlich bemerkte ich einen ganz offenbaren Irrtum in der Reihenfolge, und einen Augenblick konzentrierte ich meine ganze Aufmerksamkeit auf mein Vorhaben und versuchte, herauszubekommen, wie ich die Perlen hätte aneinanderreihen sollen. Miss Sullivan berührte meine Stirn und buchstabierte mit großem Nachdruck: think (denken).
Im Nu erkannte ich, daß das Wort die Bezeichnung für den Vorgang war, der sich in meinem Kopf abspielte. Es war meine erste bewußte Vorstellung eines abstrakten Begriffes.
Eine Zeitlang saß ich still da - ich dachte nicht über die Perlen in meinem Schoß nach, sondern versuchte, im Licht dieses neuen Begriffs die Bedeutung von «Liebe» zu ergründen. Die Sonne war den ganzen Tag hinter Wolken versteckt gewesen, und es waren kurze Regenschauer gefallen; plötzlich brach jedoch die Sonne in all ihrem südlichen Glanz hervor.
Wieder fragte ich meine Lehrerin: «Ist das nicht Liebe?» «Liebe ist etwas Ähnliches wie die Wolken, die am Himmel standen, bevor die Sonne hervorbrach», entgegnete sie.
Dann fuhr sie in schlichteren Worten als die vorhergehenden, die ich damals noch nicht verstehen konnte, fort: «Du weißt, du kannst die Wolken nicht berühren, aber du
39
fühlst den Regen und weißt, wie froh die Blumen und die durstige Erde sind, wenn er nach einem heißen Tag auf sie niederströmt. Auch die Liebe kannst du nicht berühren, aber du empfindest das Entzücken, das sie über alles ausgießt. Ohne Liebe würdest du weder glücklich sein noch spielen wollen.»
Mit einem Schlag offenbarte sich die Wahrheit meinem Geist - ich fühlte, es gab unsichtbare Bande, die sich zwischen meiner Seele und den Seelen anderer hinzogen".
From: Keller, Helen – "A story of my life". In German translation by Werner DeHaas.
Copyright 1993 by Scherz Verlag, Published by Arrangement with Doubleday.
viernes, 20 de mayo de 2016
Longitud de Onda: Música y ceguera.
"Longitud de Onda" es un espacio que se emite los días de diario de 13
a 14 horas (GMT+2) en Radio Clásica, Radio Nacional de España. Aborda
temas apasionantes que interrelacionan música y ciencia: el oído
absoluto, las enfermedades frecuentes en músicos, la musicoterapia, la
influencia de determinados géneros musicales o instrumentos en el
ánimo... Hoy, para mi sorpresa, el monográfico ha estado dedicado...
¡A la música y la ceguera! ¡Qué honor!
¡Gracias, Radio Clásica! Como decía una carátula del año 1990, cuando
yo era una cría de diez oyente de "En Clave de Sol", "Radio 2: la
emisora que se puede y se debe oír".
Descargar audio.
Ver debate en Facebook.
a 14 horas (GMT+2) en Radio Clásica, Radio Nacional de España. Aborda
temas apasionantes que interrelacionan música y ciencia: el oído
absoluto, las enfermedades frecuentes en músicos, la musicoterapia, la
influencia de determinados géneros musicales o instrumentos en el
ánimo... Hoy, para mi sorpresa, el monográfico ha estado dedicado...
¡A la música y la ceguera! ¡Qué honor!
¡Gracias, Radio Clásica! Como decía una carátula del año 1990, cuando
yo era una cría de diez oyente de "En Clave de Sol", "Radio 2: la
emisora que se puede y se debe oír".
Descargar audio.
Ver debate en Facebook.
martes, 17 de mayo de 2016
Stephen Hawking: ¡todo se puede!
¿Creó Dios el Universo?
"·What did God do before he created the universe?· [...] He was preparing Hell for people who asked such questions". [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
¡Nuevo!!! Nat Geo presenta Genios Por Stephen Hawking
New voices for Stephen?
El Destino ha querido que sólo sea libre en regiones de gravedad cero: ¡Despiadado guiño del espacio! ¿O habríamos de llamarlo "relación amorosa Hawking / esspacio? ¡Tiene que ir, tiene que ir: tiene que viajar allí, YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stephen Hawking: vida de un genio.
¡Bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo!!!
Feliz día de Internet, ¡y vivan la Ciencia y la Tecnología!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Stephen! Thank you very much indeed for your life work, your effort and your example! Thank you for surviving without giving up; for your intelligence and your humour!!! Let me tell you a secret: You pronounce very well! I can understand you better than other English people! :-) But, don't you like Eloquence, or Daniel? Daniel is perfect!!! A Capella Group, Garmin? I don't remember... :-( The Intel-Voice sounds a little like HAL! :-) I have heard Daniel this morning and I was really shocked!!!
I wish you a very, very, very, very, very happy life, and that you accomplish ALL your dreams!!! Please travel immediately to Space if you want to, where you are free!!! Don't you have finantial support, enough resources, sponsors? What is the problem? Why don't you abandon ALL for a few days / months/ years and go there? Is it impossible because you cannot be out of the Solar Sistem so many days due to your machines and health problems (ironic joke)? Is it unfeasible to find a crew with medical experience? Is it risky to be so far away due to eventual emmergency troubles? I can understand it very well; but you have shown how you are able to challenge all boundaries! You must go there because in Space you are free, free, free: completely free!!! And also a Little sick... :-(
Yours sincerely, and admired,
Rocío.
[Six months later]
I have learnt a lot after my first "meeting" with you and your extraordinary life. You have been very, very important for me in those collapsing emotional years! After wanting for a long, long time to die [oh! I wouldn't write about it for the whole galaxy..., but you must know it!], you have made me discover the Prodigy of my own life, and the wonders of the universe! Now I know that it is nonsense to wish your annihilation: What for? Depressions can, must, should absolutely go over! And then...? We can do lots of things for us and for others. We are going to live a minuscule time in the Earth: Let's profit it! Let's do our best! You are doing it always, aren't you? I am sure that you wanted to disappear too, when you received the fatal piece of news... And here you are, helping others to arise! Isn't it wonderful?
Another conclusion: It is much better that you don't travel to Space [laugh]: expensive, complicated, risky... With that money you could accomplish other dreams! Which are your dreams? I would help you with pleasure, if I could... Hm, I will try it with my positive energies, although I obviously don't believe in telepatic transmisions; hihihi! Please tell me: Which are your dreams nowadays?
I also have learnt with you that ignorance is relative! You will never be able to imagine how I felt ashamed due to my lack of logic and knowledges, mostly in sciences. During the last months a person in particular -it sounds incredible, he wanted to be my boyfriend!!!- took profit of my inferiority complexes to sink me more in the abism, by laughing and calling me repetively "ignorant", "social rubbish", "a mess in Maths and Physics", "a shame"... Really a gentleman, you know [laugh]. I could only wish not to have been born... MELIUS ILLI ERAT SI NATUS NON FUISSET, hihii! And I cried, I cried, I burst in invisible tears day and night (my emotional collapse had blocked all feelings and possibilities to express them) for a lost and wrong existence! Of course I know nothing about this lovely friend, and if I ever have the enormous pleasure to meet him, I will... What? Let me think: I will greet him politely but coldly, keeping in every moment the good manners but trying to avoid him if posible. His words do not hurt me any more: Victory! He has been completely neutralized! Harmless! Unmighty! Farewell, my dear!
Thank you for being as you are! Thank you for continuing! Thank you for having saved me and much others! I know that. A colleague of you have even told me to have experienced how you have helped people in critical situations; a Spanish physicist that invited you eight years ago... [Laugh].
Enjoy the end of the year with family, friends, colleagues and beautyful Christmas music -in case you like it- and have a nice, wonderful, peaceful, quiet 2017 charged of unforgeteable experiences! I send you all my love! For ever,
Rocío.
Granada (Spain).
VIVAT SCIENTIA!
P.S.: Will Bach's music also be gobbled down by a black hole? Pity pity pity!
«With your permission, I will finish these lines by adding a beg. For courtesy: promise me that you will NEVER let yourself succumb! Never, never, never! It does not matter what it happen can! Thank you, I am very proud of you! :-) :-) You are strong enough and barriers free: I am sure that you will reach it!!! [17-V-2017]. My dear, I begun these lines just a year ago. I received your message and, since I have started to show interest in our universe, lots of surprising paths have been oppened to me.
Together with you I also read Asimov and Sagan. Thank you, my teachers! What a fortune to have you three available for me! You never get tired, then books can be looked up whenever I want to. You never devaluate my achievements: On the contrary! You want me to be curious, and so I am! Your colleagues from IAA (Instituto de Astrofísica de Andalucía) are helping me a lot, to. I try to attend all the divulgative conferences, and I have met wonderful persons there that now know how important you are for me.
Thank you again, and take care! A pity that Starmus doesn't take place in Tenerife, but in Trondheim (the neighbourghood, hihihi!).
Let me hug you conce more.
«La Humanidad es tan insignificante si la comparamos con los eventos del universo, que el hecho de ser un minusválido no tiene mucha importancia cósmica»
"·What did God do before he created the universe?· [...] He was preparing Hell for people who asked such questions". [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
¡Nuevo!!! Nat Geo presenta Genios Por Stephen Hawking
New voices for Stephen?
El Destino ha querido que sólo sea libre en regiones de gravedad cero: ¡Despiadado guiño del espacio! ¿O habríamos de llamarlo "relación amorosa Hawking / esspacio? ¡Tiene que ir, tiene que ir: tiene que viajar allí, YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
«Sólo somos una raza de monos avanzados en un planeta más pequeño que una estrella promedio. Pero podemos entender el universo. Eso nos hace muy especiales».
«La voz que utilizo es la de un antiguo sintetizador hecho en 1986. La mantengo porque aún no he escuchado otra que me guste más y porque, a estas alturas, ya me identifico con ella».
«El peligro radica en que nuestro poder para dañar o destruir el medio ambiente o a nuestros pares aumenta a mucha mayor velocidad que nuestra sabiduría en el uso de ese poder».
«La raza humana necesita un desafío intelectual. Ha de resultar aburrido ser Dios y no tener nada que descubrir».
«Einstein se equivocaba cuando decía que "Dios no juega a los dados con el universo". Considerando las hipótesis de los agujeros negros, Dios no solo juega a los dados con el universo: a veces los arroja donde no podemos verlos».
«Las personas tranquilas y silenciosas son las que tienen las mentes más fuertes y ruidosas».
«Dado que existe una ley como la de la gravedad el universo pudo crearse a sí mismo de la nada, como de hecho ocurrió. La creación espontánea es la razón de que exista algo, en vez de nada; de que el universo exista; de que nosotros existamos. No es necesario invocar a Dios para que encienda la mecha y ponga el universo en funcionamiento».
«Debemos intentar comprender el comienzo del universo a partir de bases científicas. Puede que sea una tarea más allá de nuestras capacidades, pero al menos tendríamos que intentarlo».
«Obviamente, debido a mi discapacidad, necesito ayuda. Pero siempre he tratado de superar las limitaciones de mi condición y llevar una vida lo más completa posible. He viajado por todo el mundo, desde la Antártida a la gravedad cero».
«El viaje en el tiempo solía ser considerado solo como algo de la ciencia ficción, pero la teoría general de la relatividad de Einstein permite considerar la posibilidad de que podríamos deformar el espacio-tiempo lo suficiente como para que usted pueda irse en un cohete y volver antes de salir».
«Si los extraterrestres nos visitaran, ocurriría lo mismo que cuando Cristóbal Colón desembarcó en América y nada salió bien para los nativo americanos».
«Los virus informáticos deberían ser considerados como vida. Pienso que esto dice algo acerca de la naturaleza humana: la única forma de vida que hemos creado es puramente destructiva; una forma de vida a nuestra imagen y semejanza».
«No siento miedo a la muerte, mas no tengo prisa en morir. Hay tantas cosas que quiero hacer antes».
«Me he dado cuenta de que, incluso las personas que dicen que todo está predestinado y que no podemos hacer nada para cambiar nuestro destino,
también miran antes de cruzar la calle».
«La inteligencia es la capacidad de adaptarse al cambio».
Stephen Hawking: vida de un genio.
¡Bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo!!!
Feliz día de Internet, ¡y vivan la Ciencia y la Tecnología!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Stephen! Thank you very much indeed for your life work, your effort and your example! Thank you for surviving without giving up; for your intelligence and your humour!!! Let me tell you a secret: You pronounce very well! I can understand you better than other English people! :-) But, don't you like Eloquence, or Daniel? Daniel is perfect!!! A Capella Group, Garmin? I don't remember... :-( The Intel-Voice sounds a little like HAL! :-) I have heard Daniel this morning and I was really shocked!!!
I wish you a very, very, very, very, very happy life, and that you accomplish ALL your dreams!!! Please travel immediately to Space if you want to, where you are free!!! Don't you have finantial support, enough resources, sponsors? What is the problem? Why don't you abandon ALL for a few days / months/ years and go there? Is it impossible because you cannot be out of the Solar Sistem so many days due to your machines and health problems (ironic joke)? Is it unfeasible to find a crew with medical experience? Is it risky to be so far away due to eventual emmergency troubles? I can understand it very well; but you have shown how you are able to challenge all boundaries! You must go there because in Space you are free, free, free: completely free!!! And also a Little sick... :-(
Yours sincerely, and admired,
Rocío.
[Six months later]
I have learnt a lot after my first "meeting" with you and your extraordinary life. You have been very, very important for me in those collapsing emotional years! After wanting for a long, long time to die [oh! I wouldn't write about it for the whole galaxy..., but you must know it!], you have made me discover the Prodigy of my own life, and the wonders of the universe! Now I know that it is nonsense to wish your annihilation: What for? Depressions can, must, should absolutely go over! And then...? We can do lots of things for us and for others. We are going to live a minuscule time in the Earth: Let's profit it! Let's do our best! You are doing it always, aren't you? I am sure that you wanted to disappear too, when you received the fatal piece of news... And here you are, helping others to arise! Isn't it wonderful?
Another conclusion: It is much better that you don't travel to Space [laugh]: expensive, complicated, risky... With that money you could accomplish other dreams! Which are your dreams? I would help you with pleasure, if I could... Hm, I will try it with my positive energies, although I obviously don't believe in telepatic transmisions; hihihi! Please tell me: Which are your dreams nowadays?
I also have learnt with you that ignorance is relative! You will never be able to imagine how I felt ashamed due to my lack of logic and knowledges, mostly in sciences. During the last months a person in particular -it sounds incredible, he wanted to be my boyfriend!!!- took profit of my inferiority complexes to sink me more in the abism, by laughing and calling me repetively "ignorant", "social rubbish", "a mess in Maths and Physics", "a shame"... Really a gentleman, you know [laugh]. I could only wish not to have been born... MELIUS ILLI ERAT SI NATUS NON FUISSET, hihii! And I cried, I cried, I burst in invisible tears day and night (my emotional collapse had blocked all feelings and possibilities to express them) for a lost and wrong existence! Of course I know nothing about this lovely friend, and if I ever have the enormous pleasure to meet him, I will... What? Let me think: I will greet him politely but coldly, keeping in every moment the good manners but trying to avoid him if posible. His words do not hurt me any more: Victory! He has been completely neutralized! Harmless! Unmighty! Farewell, my dear!
Thank you for being as you are! Thank you for continuing! Thank you for having saved me and much others! I know that. A colleague of you have even told me to have experienced how you have helped people in critical situations; a Spanish physicist that invited you eight years ago... [Laugh].
Enjoy the end of the year with family, friends, colleagues and beautyful Christmas music -in case you like it- and have a nice, wonderful, peaceful, quiet 2017 charged of unforgeteable experiences! I send you all my love! For ever,
Rocío.
Granada (Spain).
VIVAT SCIENTIA!
«With your permission, I will finish these lines by adding a beg. For courtesy: promise me that you will NEVER let yourself succumb! Never, never, never! It does not matter what it happen can! Thank you, I am very proud of you! :-) :-) You are strong enough and barriers free: I am sure that you will reach it!!! [17-V-2017]. My dear, I begun these lines just a year ago. I received your message and, since I have started to show interest in our universe, lots of surprising paths have been oppened to me.
Together with you I also read Asimov and Sagan. Thank you, my teachers! What a fortune to have you three available for me! You never get tired, then books can be looked up whenever I want to. You never devaluate my achievements: On the contrary! You want me to be curious, and so I am! Your colleagues from IAA (Instituto de Astrofísica de Andalucía) are helping me a lot, to. I try to attend all the divulgative conferences, and I have met wonderful persons there that now know how important you are for me.
Thank you again, and take care! A pity that Starmus doesn't take place in Tenerife, but in Trondheim (the neighbourghood, hihihi!).
Let me hug you conce more.
lunes, 16 de mayo de 2016
¡Fin de fiesta!
La coda de mi taller merece más que un comentario:
Empezamos a trabajar a las diez y media y hasta las doce ensayamos rápidamente y del tirón los 11 motetes. Como no establecimos un orden, mi búsqueda de la partitura correspondiente en cada momento fue toda una odisea: cuadernitos por aquí, cuadernitos por allá, el suelo lleno de papeles, Raúl iniciando cuando todavía no había encontrado nada; quaero, quaero, et non invenio, et non invenio, et non invenio, pietatem, pietatem, pietatem! ..., pero bueno, yo cantaba de memoria, hasta que... ¡Eureka!
El concierto salió mucho mejor de lo que yo esperaba. Significó una hora de atención suma, pues había de aguzar el oído para captarlo todo: cuándo entrábamos, cuándo concluíamos, cuándo y cómo interpretar la dinámica y la agógica... Ver con los oídos, en definitiva, y estar pendiente de las notas, del texto..., aunque ahí la memoria me ayudó. Dos partituras las canté absolutamente sin nada: "Magi viderunt stellam" y "Versa est in luctum"; la primera porque la conocía ya de antes y la segunda porque no me había llegado. . Para ésta última me metí en el papel del pobre Job: alguien que no sabe cómo complacer a su dios, que hace lo posible e imposible, y el padre quiere probar obstinadamente su fe y lo somete a toda clase de pruebas, a cual más difícil y con más mala leche, hasta que llega un momento en que, sin agotar su paciencia, pues si no ya no sería la infinita paciencia del santo Job, toma el arpa y canta, canta llorando: "Versa est in luctum cythara mea, et organum meum in vocem flentium. Parce mihi, domine: Nihil enim sunt dies mei". En el "flentium" puse cara de llorar, y cuando, hecho polvo ya, exclama: "Parce mihi, domine ["¡Perdóname, señor!"], junté las manos y miré al Cielo. Algunos me contemplaron sorprendidos, al parecer, pero Raúl sin duda me entendió.
Concluidos los motetes me entró tal paz, tal sensación de querer que me dejaran tranquila descansando... ¡Qué curioso! Igual tiene que ver con que nunca, nunca había estado tan profundamente concentrada en algo.
Me apenó despedirme de mis nuevos compañeros coralistas y de Raúl, que me felicitó por el entusiasmo con que vivo la música y por saber pronunciar a la perfección el siguiente trabalenguas [esto es broma, obviamente, añadido de la casa]: "El Cielo está enmallavibarrenado; ¿quién lo desenmallavibarrenará? El desenmallavibarrenador que lo desenmallavibarrene, buen desenmallavibarrenador será". Dicho, obviamente, a velocidad mallavibarriana assai.
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